Sex and Cancer: Coming out

Some people have no concerns about being open with their healthcare team about their gender identity and sexual orientation, but for others it can be very challenging. This can especially be the case if they haven’t had these discussions with family/friends first.

Coming out is a very individual process. It is up to you how much you share and with whom. You can come out as just one part of your identity at a time, or all at once, and you can come out to only one person, or everyone, or anything in between.

Anything you tell your healthcare team about your gender identity or sexual orientation is confidential and they are not allowed to disclose this information to your family or friends without your consent.

ALL healthcare team members should treat you with respect and be open and understanding of what your needs are. If at any time you feel that you are not being treated with respect then please discuss this with someone in your team who you trust, or the hospital PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) team, as this is unacceptable. 

Alternatively if you feel you have been treated unfairly or are unhappy with your treatment you can contact The Equality and Advisory Support Service if you are in England, Scotland or Wales. If you are in Northern Ireland, you can contact the Equality Commission for Northern Ireland (see section ‘Further Information and Support’).

Being open about your gender identity and/or sexual orientation can enable health professionals to give you the best care possible. This is particularly relevant in discussions around fertility and sexual health.

E.g. – If someone lets their healthcare team know they are a trans man, then fertility options such as egg harvesting or ovarian tissue cryopreservation could be offered.

If a man discloses he is gay then fertility options can be discussed using the correct language.

As you will see from reading further into this resource, there is specific sexual health advice that would differ depending on the type of sex you have. To enable your healthcare team to give you tailored information, it helps to know your sexual activity.

Tips:

• If you choose to come out to your healthcare team but not your family or friends, it is worth letting your healthcare team know this so that they don’t inadvertently ‘out’ you.
• Staff that wear the rainbow badge or lanyards are demonstrating that they are open and supportive in discussing any LGBTIQ+ issues
• Be kind to yourself. Being diagnosed with cancer is tough enough! Talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling can help. Specialist nurses will be able to offer advice, suggestions and support.
• Try to go easy on yourself if you get flustered or if you feel like you weren’t able to come out exactly as you had planned. What matters is that your identity is valid, and you deserve to feel loved and supported exactly as you are.